So above is a little video experiment. If it works I'll do another. Things have changed a little in the last 2 days. Gram tried getting out of bed 3 times...and each time couldn't find the strength to stand. I tried to encourage her, and perhaps get Ash's help again to get more support (something that has become increasingly necessary from time to time), but she wouldn't have it. She yelled that she couldn't do it and then collapsed (with help, landing on the bed again). She did not want to try again. So she just stayed in bed that day, and the day after. She's sleeping even more than she was before, though she's very oriented most times when she does wake. She's still eating and drinking some, a little less than before, but is still appreciating warm cinnamon buns out of the oven and such. She still says that she's not having any significant pain. The memory foam topper we've now got on her mattress seems to help keep her comfortable.

Since our conversation about dying, she hasn't seemed to be doing any more emotional processing. She hasn't even brought up John, much less the divorce. When she's awake we talk about little things, the weather, the baby, upcoming Christmas plans. She'll frequently drift back to sleep now even during conversations. I don't know if this change in her will last, but according to the Hospice team it's likely.

But Bebe remains in a good mood, laughs at the baby taking her room apart, and comments frequently on the beautiful green woods outside her window. Our weather has been chilly lately, but most of the trees here are of a kind that don't drop their leaves in the fall. So though we did have an Autumn with turning leaves and such, it's still very green and lush right now. I'll try to send a picture of her room, those of you who know her love of the woods will appreciate how very well it fits Gram.

Feel free to call for updates, or I will try to keep this going regularly as well.
-Kate

:}

Ever heard an 89 year-old Italian woman hold an entire business meeting in her sleep and then dress down one employee for incompetence and fire them...all in her sleep? I admit it would be even more entertaining if it was happening some other time than 2am...but I can tell you the fire is still there.

This is also evidenced by the occasional cussing that happens if Gram is feeling very tired but still has to transfer before going back to bed. She's been very tired the last two days. Yesterday, all day, she was convinced she was on a train. We gave up trying to reorient and just went with it. Yesterday was kind of a bad day...but she still feels well enough to eat a bowl of ice cream for desert even if she doesn't do much with dinner. Breakfast and lunch are still reasonably popular. At this rate dinner may just become a bowl of ice cream. Eh, there's got to be some benefits to growing old, right?

She seems to be in a much better space today. She slept in this morning, but is in good spirits and was very appreciative to the bath aid that just gave her a bed bath. Though even that much exertion kind of wipes her out for a spell afterwords. Yet she can still get herself to the edge of the bed at midnight when she can't find her car in the parking lot...*shrug*, nighttime is always a disorienting time for her. Her dreams are very vivid.

Hopefully today will continue to be a good day for Bebe. We've decided to put the Christmas tree and the presents in her room for the couple of weeks leading up to Christmas so that the tree lights can be her nightlight. I'm hoping it will also give her food memories and dreams of the holiday season. She's always enjoyed Christmas. This will also help if she is having a tired or bad day , to make sure we are able to share more of the holiday time with her. She can be in the comfort of her room in her bed or her chair if she's finding the bustle in the living area to be too much. There's plenty of room in her room for everybody. Besides...it keeps the cat from climbing the tree when I'm not looking.

Love from Bebe to all of you,
-Kate

pics

An interesting couple of days

Well, we had a lovely Thanksgiving, in which several friends came over to potluck...including this very large fuzzy one named North. Gram enjoyed the visit very much, and talked about the celebration the next day as well.

Bebe is doing well, eating ok, sleeping a lot. We had a very interesting a tearful conversation 2 days ago when Gram woke from a dream, called me into the room, and said, "I had a dream I was dying...I am, aren't I? And I'm going to have to go, but I don't want to leave you... I don't want to take you prematurely either". We talked about her illness, and that yes, she was dying. We talked about all the people she had waiting on the other side, and that she wouldn't go alone. She told me she would wait for me, so that when it was my time I wouldn't go alone either. She said many prayers, and all of them were about blessing me/Kit/Kay ("Kitzel-Kay-Kay...are you both?" she asked me. "Yes", I said, "I kind of am"). She wished for a good and long life for her children. We talked about how I wanted her to stay as long as she was still enjoying herself, but that I didn't want her to stay for us when she started to be in pain or wasn't happy here anymore. She didn't express any fear of dying...just worry again that I (the me/Mom/Kit combo) would be ok. I assured her I was happy in my life...and that I would continue to live it in gratitude for her, and still talk to her even when I wasn't able to see her anymore. I told her she could hang around and be this family's guardian angel if it was time to go, but she didn't want to leave us. She thought that was an excellent idea. She told me many times how much she loved me...and I told her I loved her very much too. She said that after all that she'd seen of who I was and what I'd done for her she really, truly felt and believed in my love. That, of course, is when any tears I was holding back were lost to my control. We talked for about 30 minutes, then she went back to sleep. When she woke, she never mentioned her illness or our conversation again. But it was so healing for me to have that conversation with her...to tell her the truth of her situation, and to assure her that she's welcome here as long as she wants to stay...but that we'll understand when she has to go too.

In the meantime, she loves sitting by the fire, helping out wherever she's able, and generally "living the life of Riley" as she puts it. I actually have no idea what that references...I may be the wrong generation. Anybody?

A bit of problem solving

Well, we learned some important lessons this week. For example, certain medications and Bebe do not mix. There were two really rough days, then we got things straightened out again. But for a couple of days, things were really confusing for Gram. For example, she's really wanting that particular bit for the horse bridal for the show...so if anyone's seen it please get it to her immediately. Oh, and she was also wondering if I would think it weird if she were to marry Ash's (nonexistant) brother, Charlie, and make it a foursome of us all. :}

But she's doing better now, and is in fine spirits. We had a visit from the Physical Therapist who helped us to work on some safe transfer techniques. Gram thought he was quite delightful, and loved that he gave her so many compliments on what a great job she was doing. She's all excited about Christmas, and has been writing cards for several of you back in Ohio. So those should be going out soon. Don't worry, after the last round of attempted writing, when Gram realized she couldn't read a word of it (though I got most of it, I think) we decided she would dictate this round.

Love to everybody from Bebe, and happy holidays.
PS- Thanks for the cards, those of you who have sent those out, she's enjoying them. Every few days we read them again. :}

Bit by bit we're establishing our rituals and routines around here. Gathering around the fire in the evening, naps in the chair after breakfast, a shared wheelchair ride with the baby every morning. Ronan comes in and helps Gram get up and ready in the morning...mostly by dismantling her bed and playing with her teddy bear. But he's gotten to the point that when he sees we're ready to go out into the kitchen he comes over to climb into Bebe's lap and join her in the ride down the hall. She loves it.

Conversations at meals vary from labor organization and child work ethics and laws, to what the plans are for Christmas. Bebe says she misses her friends, and she's working on writing some cards. I'll mail them out as we get them. But she also says she thinks she'll stay here, and you all will have to come and visit her here. She just doesn't think she wants to go back to work, or back to Ohio...too cold in the winter she says. She says she's "living the life of Riley" over here, but when we tell her it's doctor's orders she agrees not to feel to guilty about "all this lying around and relaxing". So things are going well, and we'll continue to keep you all posted.

-Kate and Bebe and the family

More updates from the first week

So Bebe has active days and tired days. We almost never make it more than twenty minutes at the dinner table before she's fallen asleep, elbows balancing on her placemat. She usually takes a nap in her living room chair after breakfast and in her room after lunch. But in between these times of rest she's had conversations with me and conversations with Ash that she may not remember the details of, but she seems very much to remember the resolutions from. In this way she's processing bit by bit everything from her move here to old feelings of loss from her divorce.
 
She always talks about how happy she is to be here, and how much she loves the feel of the house. Two days ago I set her in her wheelchair at the doorway to the porch, so that she could visit with us but still stay warm while a friend helped us to finish staining the roof. She loved it. She chatted with us, commented on how very picturesque the work party was, and spoke constantly of what incredible enjoyment this room in the woods would bring. 

Ash oriented her to where her bedroom was in relation to the sunroom and Bebe promptly informed us that she would be cutting a hole through her bedroom wall so she could enjoy the room more often. So I think it's safe to say her sense of humor is still very intact. She's also feeling pretty well...she even offered to get up on a ladder and help us paint. I told her Dr. Mettee would have my butt if I let her do any such thing, and she laughed. We encourage her in her feelings of strength and healing, we just make up excuses as to why it won't quite work for her to help just now, maybe next time. So far this works ok.

Nothing else currently to report. We're currently trying to find someone to playact the part of a lawyer so she can finish her resolution of her divorce. Being the businesswoman she is, she is very stuck right now on needing a good divorce lawyer to make sure that she is getting what she deserves to have from John in monthly support. This is especially important to her since she has mostly resolved that she does not want to work again, she would rather stay here and help with the babies...oh, and when am I going to make another one, please, she asks me?

More pics and possibly movie clips coming next week.

Kate and Bebe