Saying Goodbye

Yesterday Bebe's presence here in the house felt very tenuous. She barely seemed to be in her body. She opened her eyes a few times, and made a half-hearted swipe at me when I messed with her too much (I was trying to gently wash around her eyes). When she did open her eyes, though, she wasn't seeing anything in that room. Her gaze was very far away. Later on last night she fell into a deep sleep. I checked on her at 11pm and she was still snoring, sleeping, and appeared comfortable. I moved the bed a bit and kissed her goodnight. This morning when I woke the room across the hall from me felt very empty...and indeed as I tossed a robe on and went in to check on her she was gone. I never heard her make a sound.

I think she could have waited for a time when I was with her, holding her hand, but it doesn't surprise me that she went while everyone was asleep. Bebe has always been a private person...who valued her time alone. In recent days I know that she has felt the love that surrounded her, felt the easy weight of the cat purring on her feet, and known that she was safe and was home. But one of the last times she spoke to me she told me it was time for her to go.

I know that we will all miss her. But I'm so glad that her death and the end of her life was as peaceful and filled with joy and laughter as it was. I remain so amazed at how she rallied for our final family gathering...I will forever remember her singing with us as the chimes went. I am also grateful beyond words to have seen and been able to help her with processing the last parts of her life that were still hanging on and bringing sorrow or self-doubt. I was able to say the words that perhaps Bebe didn't hear, or perhaps just couldn't believe at the time, that helped her to finally heal some old wounds that she has carried for her lifetime. I am honored to have had the opportunity to be the voice of healing for her, and I am so glad that she was able to open to and receive that healing before she died.

There will be an article coming out in the Chagrin Falls paper soon about Bebe and her life in Chagrin. At this point, there is no Memorial Service planned. Gram had said she felt she didn't need one, and I have to admit that I feel that I am too disconnected from Chagrin myself to really plan one and do it any kind of justice. I invite you all who read this post (and I suspect there are far more of you than I know) to make comments here by pushing the "comment" button at the end of the post, and share your thoughts or stories. If among your thoughts are the desire to have some sort of parting ceremony for Bebe then state that too, and perhaps if enough people would like this than something could be arranged.

If you check back here, then I will post additional details about the newspaper article. Also, you can read the comments that people leave of their thoughts. If a gathering is wanted, then details of that will also be posted here.

I sent Gram with a request to take with her...Ash and I would like one more child, and would like it to be a daughter. I figured if anybody could find a good one to send down it would be her. She really liked this idea. If this works out, I would like you all to know as well that her middle name will be Aerene, in honor of my grandmother.

Lastly, please know that if you click on any of the photos in this blog they will open bigger for you, and you should even be able to copy them if you would like. You can also contact me at rncarey@gmail.com if you have additional thoughts you do not wish to share here.

Thank you all for your roles and your love in Bebe's life. She has left a trail of beautiful gifts, legacies, and love behind her...and part of that is due to your friendship and support.

PS- If anyone would like to make a donation of some kind in honor of her memory, the places she most supported (not surprisingly) were the Geauga County Humane Society, Petfix, NRDC, Defenders of Wildlife, and the Land Conservancy. I would be happy to provide contact details for any of these places. Or...on behalf of Gram...just go adopt a dog. With love,
Kate and Bebe

Bebe's Candlelit Christmas Tree, 2006

Sliding...

So it has now been 4 days since Bebe has really had anything significant to eat or drink. She's awake for only moments at a time. Some of those times she looks up at me, greets me with a smile, and encourages me to climb up with her. I rub her back, talk to her, and hold her hand in those times. Other times, now becoming more frequent, she does not want me to touch her at all. She looks at me, doesn't recognize me, bares her teeth and tells me to get out. She will no longer allow me to wash her face, or wet her mouth for her, or help her turn and reposition in bed. She usually allows and seems to enjoy light application of lavender oil to her forehead and collarbones. The scent is thought to be very calming for most, and I've been impressed with the effects it's had on patients who have had the opportunity to experience aromatherapy by someone who knows what they're doing with it (not me...I'm making this stuff up as I go). Gram is getting some medications, but really doesn't like those either, so we play it by ear between what I perceive of her discomfort and how much she's arguing me or not with the medications. I've had several spit back at me already. She occasionally requests water, but has been only able to tolerate small drops placed into her mouth with a 1 ml syringe before she yells "enough!" and doesn't want anymore.

I'm pleased to say that the last meal she did have (and enjoy thoroughly) was a large bowl of vanilla ice cream with caramel sauce. There are also moments of sweet calm where she smiles in her sleep, opens her eyes and briefly touches my cheek, then returns to sleep. Overall she seems comfortable, and when I do ask she denies any pain. I move her around with the bed controls when she's in deeper sleep to help keep her muscles from cramping too much. The memory foam mattress also is still helping significantly with that.

That's about it at this point. Just wanted to keep her Ohio family in the loop, too. Hope this finds you all well and cherishing holiday times with those you love.
-Kate and Bebe

Gram had a very agitated day yesterday. For 12 hours I spent most of the time in the room with her, trying to help her stay calm. We tried extra medication with only minimal success. She felt she was in a car, and the kids were on bicycles on the freeway going too fast. Then we were lost in the car, and she felt we needed to call the police. After several calls to Hospice and extra medication and a lot of assistance, she finally fell asleep. She woke up three hours later and started talking again. That time at least she was less stressed. Apparently she was having a gathering/party. We heard her singing for at least half and hour. There was something about "happy house" to the tune of Happy Birthday, then I heard her gathering "the boys and girls together" for more singing.

Today she has been understandably wiped out. She has slept all day, with little to no interaction. For the first time she has not stayed awake long enough even to eat or drink anything. Due to other complications, we also ended up putting in a foley catheter to help her stay more comfortable. She had been feeling like she needed to go but was unable to do so for the last 24 hours preceding our placement of the catheter. We now have additional medications if they're needed, but we'll see what the next few days hold. We'll keep you all posted.

PS- The above pics are from our Christmas get-together, we couldn't quite get everybody in the pic all at once. Too much baby chaos.

Gram has been doing incredibly well for her "Christmas" visit with everybody. When Dad came in she recognized him instantly, called him by name, and asked how MN was treating him. She remembered enough to ask then if Kay was coming as well, but took our answer of "not right now" very well.

We took dinners and breakfasts with Gram in her room every day. On our Christmas Eve we had four adults in her room with her; two in wheelchairs for seats, one in her wingback chair, and one on it's stool. Gram looked at us all and joked "well this is all kinds of formal, isn't it? Or it would be if you got your feet off the table!" So I pulled my feet down from the foot of her bed while she grinned at me, and we had a lovely dinner. Afterwards we lit up our traditional angel chimes and spoke of our appreciation at being together. Then we sang carols for about half an hour, and Bebe joined us in singing for most of the traditional ones. It was so sweet, and she had such a beautiful smile on her face. 

We all followed this with our traditional breakfast the next day, and Gram explained to us who Mrs. Hess was, that our coffee cake recipe came from. Overall it was a beautiful visit and Gram continues to be very high energy and very cheerful and interactive. I'm really impressed with how well she did. She loved watching the kids play, and continues to talk about that as well. We're all grateful to have had the opportunity to share a holiday together, as well as sharing memories of holidays past.   

Hmmm...

Well, I think it's safe to say that an a certain unnamed someone isn't feeling TOO badly, since she just had a huge bowl of ice cream with caramel sauce (per request) for breakfast. Had a pretty good lunch too. She's also in good spirits, is excited about celebrating Christmas, and is mostly remembering where she is.

I'm sure she's wishing you all happy holidays back home in Ohio as well.

Kate and Bebe

Christmas with Bebe

So we got a Christmas tree for Gram's room last night. She talked about it for an hour, and gave good instructions on the decorating of it. She's doing pretty well, seems to have rallied somewhat. She still can't get out of bed, even with a 2-person assist, but she hasn't asked to get up at all either. She had a good lunch today, cheese and crackers and oatmeal cookies with milk. She's excited about everybody coming for "Christmas" this week.

She comes in and out of focus...she's almost always traveling now, sometimes bus, sometimes car, sometimes train. She hasn't let me sleep much lately because she keeps shouting to me to make sure I'm not sleeping (very effective, I might add) since I'm supposed to be driving.

One picture is from about an hour ago, the other just shows a better look at the woods outside her windows. Today was too sunny to get that well in the pic. Gotta go, more shouting from both Gram and the baby in the background.

Bye!
-Kate